Lately I've come to the conclusion that say there were less big brother, the drink and sleepiness in my life, I would stand a much better chance of becoming an upstanding citizen/leader of the free and/or enslaved world.
Under my "Benevolent Dictatorship", you'd love it, for sure; get this:
1. No more films featuring Bud Tingwell/Gwynneth Paltrow
2. No more mullets, not even under the auspices of irony ( blanket prohibition)
3. More ads on TV claiming coffee beans have been "roasted in farts"
4. Patchouli= banned, a lot
5. More widespread knowledge of how to spell patchouli?
6. Raclette would be the national dish, i.e. served in every meal, including "pie", "weetbix" and "salad".
7. Free trade agreement with the Swiss, also Norway; watches, knives, chocolate and maybe some moose would be exchanged for like, the more disgraceful aspects of antipodean history, and a sheep/several toads.
8. By the year 2010 no child will live in poverty (NB only applies to "poverty of imagination"; poverty of food/schooling/homes/foxes = still going down)
9. Disco Churches
10. Infomercials ALL DAY, OR taps in houses with less water, more Shiraz; take your pick.
Do you think this policy platform is solid enough to see me elected King/Deity in 06/07? I am fully prepared to "meat the people", "shake fists with the common man", "fuck babies" etc. Yeah so basically, SEE YOU IN CANBERRA, DUDES.
xoxo nora
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6 comments:
Mister Nora please don't get a job, it'll ruin everything! Where will be the angst, anger, crying or to-be-patented nervous breakdown?
Ah never fear anonymous, it's feverishly unlikely that anyone will take me on; the old 'swearing in job interviews' method for unemployment is remarkable in its 97% success rate.
Even if someone did take me on, I have a pretty healthy stock of angst, anger, crying etc which should tide me over until the inevitable dishonourable discharge.
xoxo nora
Dear Mister Nora
I enjoyed this post very much
Dave Muck
Aw thanks Dave Mack, for that kind comment I promise to award you "Good Citizen of the Month [Earth division]" at least four times in my first year in office.
xoxo nora
Is it only films with Bud Tingwell AND Gwyneth Paltrow that are banned, or anything featuring either of them? I like be an INFORMED voter.
Dear anonymous,
My feeling is that films with Bud OR Gwynny will be banned, but I am willing to listen to the peoples. I'm currently conducting 'focus groups' and 'psychic readings' to detect the public mood on this issue (current indications = "grumpy").
I do note that whatever my market research team come up with, films featuring Bud and Gwyn gettin pantsy with eachother will definitely be off the menu (except maybe Sundays and public holidays).
xoxo nora
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