Bad elements in the neighbourhood

So today we ventured out to Rustic Preston in pursuit of a fan, given that it is a trifle steamy in these parts (DEAR GOD PLEASE WOULD YOU TURN THE MOTHERFUCKING TEMPERATURE DOWN A NOTCH OR 10,000, THANKS, LOVE MISTER NORA xox), when we had a little visit in the car from some Nasty Motherfucking Homeboy Spiders. They had 8 legs EACH, I am not kidding, and they were crawling around like they owned the motherfucking place, little upstart cunts.

Sloginski was riding in the back and he was getting all bolshie on their asses, coming out with shit such as "Hey my hairy backed brothers, your mama is so fat when she sits on my face, I can't hear the stereo" and the like. Anyway the Homeboys were not taking this so well, they were shaking their bling at him and threatening to "Fuck Yall Asses Up Like You Aint Never Seen, Bitches! Yo!"

I was trying to smooth over the situation, saying "Hey my little friends, happy new year to YOU! Now, Good Sirs, would you fancy a splash of my delicious cocacola? IT'S DELICIOUS!! Here, Have all of it! And have my shoes!! Do you like my shoes?" (I was maybe a bit delirious from the hotness and the scary spiderness of the situation, no, I was not in top form) while The Dude was staying quiet and generally trying to drive the car not into a Tree.

Anyway, for the most part they ignored me, but good ole Sloginski did some fine work in engaging them in a not altogether highbrow battle of wits, which made them kind of cranky but distracted them for just long enough for us to make it back to our Slovenly Pit of Mutual Filth before they completed their attack, descending menacingly upon us from above, drooling poisonous drips of spitoon and bearing glinty lookin flick knives.

We scampered out of the car Quick Smart, and me and the Slug had a bit of a dainty lie down while we sent The Dude back to the car armed with Mortein. He was out there for quite some time, and I won't describe the entire battle... let's just say The Dude Won.


xoxox nora