Today I visited the doctor so she could protect me from Asians, who are apparently keen to infect me will all variety of hepatitises. Originally I was like, "fuck that shit man, I'm no racist!" but the doctor was all like "lady, do you really want to end up a skanky hepatitoid like Pam Anderson? Do you want to spend your disease ridden days hawking M&Ms and your disease ridden nights blowing Kid Rock??" and I was all like "WTF have you been reading my diary" and she was like "well ok so Kid Rock is totally hot, but what about the liver damage?" and I was like "have you been looking in my recycle bin? I swear The Dude drinks more than I do" and she was like "just put out your fucking arm and let me inject you; how will I buy a porsche/large Alphington residence if I spend all day talking to mongoloids like you, fucking time waster" and I was like "I knew you were racist!" and she was like "some of my best friends are mongoloids" and I was like "whatever" and then she injected me.
K I should probably confess I am scared of injections. It's possible that after she jabbed me I may have cried like a little boy/Bob Hawke. It's kind of humiliating, but at least it keeps me off smack.
I am also scared of wasps, priests, and people who don't drink. Is there a name for this condition? I would ask the doctor but I am afraid she will try to fix me with an injection/racist slur.
xoxo nora
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