Seven Dwarves = ROYAL FEAST!

So apparently Pluto is no longer a planet , it’s just a little dwarf planet.

If I were a dwarf person I would be pretty fucking pissed off about this turn of events; like does this mean dwarves are not actually people? Personally I have always suspected they were not of our species and should be farmed like pigs and harvested for their internal organs. We could also make like little leather gloves/small briefcases out of their skins and maybe could carve up their thighs into juicy dwarf loin chops for Sunday lunch with nan... man, there’s just so much you could do, I’m seeing a major boost for agriculture.

Unfortunately when I suggested this to Parliament the dudes from the Equal Opportunity Commission were all like “DOWN WITH THE NAZI” and I was like, “Woah, chill, man, sure it sounds extreme but have you ever eaten Dwarfy Bits? Fucking delicious, totally justifying of caging the fat little fuckers and eating them for breakfast/in sandwiches.”

[Of course, I’m not totally heartless. If any of them befriended a spider or some such shit that advocated passionately for their survival, I guess we could let those ones live. (Maybe as domestic pets?) ]

Anyhow this whole ground breaking policy has not so far received bipartisan support from our vision-free politicians, but I think with the whole Pluto “not a planet” business, things might be looking up for the Dwarf Harvesting Industry. Remember, kids, you heard it here first.

xoxo nora

PS BREAKING NEWS: according to my sources, Pluto is also no longer a cartoon dog. He is just an overgrown rat.

That Pluto has deceived us on many levels. That’s some fucked up shit, man. Fucked up shit.



PPS This is my 100th post, and I must say I'm quite proud of my perseverance in the face of obscurity.