I am worrying lately that my new love of Studying the Knowledge, which is very consuming with the time and the brain, is having a deleterious effect on my relationship with The Dude, the
Slug, the
Roach, the Spider and the
Pussycats. This is of great concern as I have seen in the pages of
New Weekly what happened to Jennifer Aniston when her career took over and her twin brother/husband deserted her for a woman much more in touch with her vagina/womb/tattoos; also, Julia Gillard has indicated that I will never get elected unless I have a kitchen full of Wifely Products, and I think you all know by now that I harbour quiet dreams of becoming Captain of the World and/or
Gilgandra Shire Council in the not too distant future.
To prevent The Dude from leaving me to tend to MultiColoured Children with Angelina Jolie, I have come up with a fucking unbelievable plan of genius: I will adopt the animals of the world, following in the footsteps of Noah, but with less boat. This way I can show the media how much I fucking love the animal (NB not in a sex way), so when The Dude reads about my Antics in
The Sun, he will see what a good woman I am.
I am trying to decide which animals to adopt and so far my shortlist includes:
1. A
giraffe2.
Millions of zooplankton3. A
Fast Pigeon 4. An
ebola virus 5. A two-headed lamb:
I will keep you posted on The Progress.
xoxo nora
10 comments:
A tough call on the lamb it is going to be:
http://www.smh.com.au/news/world/not-quite-spiderlamb-but-/2006/03/20/1142703260061.html
Shit, that complicates the situation. That little bundle of extra legs, he is definitely firing up my maternal instinct... but I am concerned that if I brought him home The Dude would only see six delicious legs of lamb for dinner.
More worrying is: What the fuck is going on with lambs these days? Is it The Apocalypse?
xoxo nora
Well according to the Rapture Index Satanism is reported to be flourishing in Russia, but there doesn't seem to be any mention of any wierd ovis shit going down. So that has to be good. Or not. Depending on your POV.
(n.b. Three six-legged lambs? 666? You be the judge)
Anyhooow, just in case this flood thing is, you know, not just a one-off, here is a neat letter you can automatically fax to your friends after you mysteriously disappear with millions of other Ned Flanderers's.
(And if you ask me God had better lift his/her game. Faxes? For crying out loud!)
Cute ebolas though.
Wow, thanks for heads up Christine - according to those dudes the Rapture Index is so high right now that it's time to "fasten my seatbelt"! Imagine if I had left it UNFASTENED, and the rapture had like, rained down on my head, or something! Calamity! Chaos! Worse than Tim losing BB05!! (Obviously I'm exaggerating)
I'm concerned that the relevant Rapture Authorities don't seem to be aware of the influx of Lambs of Satan. Neighbourhood Watch need to lift their fuckin game.
xoxo nora
PS Faxes! Dude, that's sooooooo 1993!
Yes, I don't know why they don't include the Rapture Index at the end of each news bulletin along with the NYSE, Hang Seng, and Moldavian Pork Futures.
It's probably because of this.
That is what happens when you have two Blogger comments open and blindly bang out your words without paying attention. WHAT A FOOL!
*slaps self*
What I was going to say HERE is that your mix CD IS coming, just very very very very late x
Christine: I can't believe you found my secret conspiracy webite: ARE YOU WITH THE CIA/SQUIRRELS/SPORKS?
Jess: I have been gnashing and renting for the last several months and WILL NOT STOP until I get that CD. But take your time, I can take a lot of gnashing/renting.
xoxo nora
Nora, you know the drill - if I told you I'd have to ... well you've seen Goodfellas.
All I can say is that DO NOT under any circumstances fuck around with
underpants gnomes.
I've always known there was a reason for preferring gnomes with trousers.
xoxo nora
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