Thoughts About War.

So today I had lunch with some relatives of The Dude, apparently two of them spawned him at one point. They were pretty chill, obviously they are totally stoked about me and The Dude being drinking buddies and common law wives.

(At least, they are stoked to our faces, it's possible that after we leave they throw eachother appalled glances and cry out "What IS he DOING with that DREADFUL WOMAN?", but whatevs, while I'm there they're all like "mister nora you fucking rock," and I'm all like "Shucks, you guys, you almost make me wish I had parents of my own," and they're all like "We'll adopt you, babycakes" and I'm all like "that's such a fucking awesome idea, except, like, when me and The Dude bang it will be against nature" and they're all like "..." and then I'm like "anyway to be honest I have already agreed to be adopted by Bert and Patty Newton," and then things are awkward for a while but eventually we all have a martini and like, everything is sweet.)

(I love how you can make things italic; did Italians invent that? If so, where can I book tickets to Boldy? Because I also love how you can make things bold, I never get to be so fucking bold in my actual life...although I do like to say "that's a bold claim" in an arch tone of voice to people who say things like "Sanda Sully is so yesterday's news(reader)" or "man, did I ever tell you how much I love goats". From now on I am going to add "that's an italic claim" to my list of pat responses to comments to which I would otherwise have no response.)

Anyway, the point was, at lunch today there was a Lady who lives in India, who has 598 servants or some shit, she was regaling us with tales of how terribly annoying it is when the cook arrives at 7am and then thinks they can leave by 4pm ["It means I have to cook the dinner and it is a terrible burden, you know, because I just don't like to cook"]. At one point I think she actually said "Oh yes, yes, it's awfully hard to get good help these days, very difficult to find someone who is going to work around the clock and not ask too much of us."

So, basically what I'm getting at is that I think me and The Dude need to hire some servants to do things like watch Neighbours for me when I can't make it home by 6.30pm and maybe go to parties for me when I don't feel up to mixing with Other People and also endure hangovers for me when I've had ten too many beams and cokes. It should be wayyyy easier to get good help nowadays since those new IR laws came in...so long as we only get 99 employees/luft baloons, we are fucking set.

See, right now it would be good if I had a servant to go to bed for me. But as it is, I'LL JUST HAVE TO DO IT MYSELF.

xoxo nora