I know I get a bit tiresome what with the career crisis x 21309123 shit I go on with, but if only there were a job which involved sitting in a bar drinking martinis and shooting the shit 9(pm) – 5(am)>I would be hired straight off for sure; my resume is so fucking suited to such a profession.
And why do position descriptions never come up with such shit as “1. Staying up late watching Big Brother; 2. Calling in sick; 3. Drinking wine from a cask; 4. Pretending employee has serious plans to write a novel; 5. Wishing employee were dead.” I could totally pull that shit off if I put my slushy little brain to work. (HELLO, slushy brain, WHY DON’T YOU DO SOMETHING WORTHWHILE FOR A CHANGE).
I need help.
MISTER NORA CRIES FOR HELP MULTIPLE CHOICE QUIZ!
(a) HELP!
(b) Dear psychiatrists/astrologers/Courtney Love:
I was wondering yesterday why I have spent like totally 6 million years working like a super ambitious fox wasting the best years of my life to get qualified for a job I have always known I would never do. PLEASE EXPLAIN.
Also, I am now 5 weeks off getting said unwanted qualification and am kind of thinking of “dropping out of degree” for the THIRD TIME (gun me down, blow me up, melt me, whatever, I am the terminator of law school and I’ll always be back), HOW ROCK AND ROLL WOULD THAT BE? (“not very” – Courtney Love).
(c) Hello, bonjour, yo wassup bitch, etc, How are you? Incidentally could you please direct me to the nearest bath full of gin. Kthnxbye.
Do you select (a) (b) (c) or “mister nora would you please just leave us the fuck alone.”
xxo nora
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2 comments:
Dear Mister Nora
I'm like, light years ahead of you on this shit and have already done so many Degrees of Qualifications and Work Experience it's fucking ridiculous. They all stand me in such good stead to do Nothing I Enjoy. However I console myself with the Knowledge that something will work out someday, somehow.
NB: Not actual Knowledge.
Your reasons well describe why I am currently sitting in a big fat Bar rather than billing 45 billion Units. If you start a firm with your job description can I please become the Rainmaker or some shit.
In short, how shit is everything yet still pretty ill?
Kind Regards,
Dear blackwindfireandsteel,
My firm will totally rock the foundations of law/capitalism/some trees. I will let you know ASAP and also as soon as possible when I get the whole operation underway. Early reports on consumer confidence, market stability, logistical factors etc suggest that the timeframe we're looking at is somewhere between "never" and "longer than that", but like, stranger things have happened (e.g. Shannon Noll).
In any case you have totally hit the nail on the money with your "shit + pretty ill" analysis; those qualifications must be paying off after all.
Anyway. I'm off to a bar to think about that some more.
xoxo nora
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