mister nora is going to hell

Dear me, I've been busy as a canteloupe. Racing pigeons night and day sure does take it out of you - and yet I still find the time to respond to your queries! WHO IS A GOOD GIRL? (Jennifer Anniston)


Q. 1: mister nora, did you garner yourself with glorious riches today?
Why, yes I did. I pushed propaganda and whimsy on cunts with credit cards and a forelorn hope of bettering themselves. GO CAPITALISM. Them yuppies/students/psychoanalysts sure do help a girl put brie and Koonunga Hill on the table. (Look at the ends! They meet!) (almost)

Q 1.1: but mister nora, was today not appointed a day of rest by none other than the Good Lord himself?
Why, yes it was. But then the Good Lord himself doesn't have to live in this bleak fucked up godawful wasteland where life's sole consolation is the burning feeling of a plastic shopping bag weighing down your hand like the wretched earth weighs down your black and tortured soul, nosirreebob, I would wager good cash money that the Good Lord does not know the anaesthetising joy of maxing out a carde du credit on a heap of shit he does not want and will not use. AND the Good Lord totally does not have to provide his perpetually hungry fatso pussies with a constant supply of Whiskas and Friskies just to ensure he don't wake up in the small hours with two small but steely jaws clamping down on his fleshiest body parts. So the Good Lord can like fully suck my cock.

Q.1.2: since you mention it, mister nora, do you plan to name your band The Good Lord Can Suck My Cock?
I'm thinkin about it.


Q. 2: mister nora, given the cosmopolitan euro trash lifestyle that you no doubt lead, I wondered if you might have had a meaningless encounter with quasi celebrity or two this weekend?
Why, I'm so glad you asked.

1) I met Bob Brown!!! (no you didn't) Dude. You are so good at calling my bluff. But he sat on the chair that I had recently abandoned in favour of the far more battling and aspirational position of Standing on My Own Two Feet. And that's AS GOOD* as meeting him.

* not actually as good

2) I crossed paths with Jason Stevens
He gave me mysterious urges back when I were just a wee lassie and he were performing Hilarious Antics(TM) on the Late Show. Those days are gone.

3) Alice Garner showed me the money
It wasn't much. But like the whore that I am, I took it.

4) Leunig's missus gave me her telephone number
I called it. I left a message of love, hope and forgiveness. I finished with the words "if you'd like to cancel your order, please call **** ****." I thought that summed up our fleeting and brutal relationship neatly.

5) I met a man called Greg or Graeme or some such shit, who once had a minor role in "Pharlap: The Movie". I AM NOT KIDDING. This guy is FAMOUS AS A FOX. He was the spittin image of Carson from Queer Eye, and looked somewhat like Rod Stewart. He also vaguely resembled the crazy old scientist from Back to the Future. Oh, he is a man of many guises, is Greg/Graeme. Some call him The Chamelon. Others call him Greg/Graeme.


Q.3 mister nora, do you feel like deserting this blogging caper like a hooker with the clap to go make yourself good and drunk as a rat?
My God. Have you been reading my diaries??

xoxoxo nora