Lord of the Dance

There has been some drinking occurring up in Nord de Rien since The Dude showed up late last week. He’d planned to take a leisurely trip up north, but as it turned out he was forced to make a hasty exit from our homeland after being subjected to relentless harassment by the paparazzi.

Someone has been spreading rumours that The Dude was mixed up in a homoerotic Rock Star Scandal involving Bon Scott and/or Barry Manilow. Despite repeated assertions by The Dude that the claims were Bald Faced Lies (he touched up Barry IN A MATES WAY, for goodness!), the story is still appearing in a variety of publications including Star Magazine, Racing Pigeon Quarterly and the New York Review of Books, and as a result The Dude is being hounded by Fat Men with Cameras all over the shop. To set the record straight, I would like to point out that the alleged gay-sexing scenario is a Category 7 “Very Unlikely, in fact Quite Fanciful”, as The Dude is Not Actually Homo (although he is Erotic).

I think it likely that the “close friend of the hairy little coconut” who is the source of the rumours is in fact Monsieur Octavo, the daddy long legs who camps (har har) behind our toilet. Since coming out as one of The Gays, Monsieur Octavo has been trying to lure The Dude into interspecies trysts night and day, and we have lately discovered that Euripides was Incorrect: hell actually hath no fury like a homosexual toilet spider scorned.

If you ask me Octavo should try his luck with Sloginski, who has been known to bat for any team asking - although Claudie has told me that he sometimes requests that his Sex Partners apply a false moustache in the manner of Joseph Stalin. Each to their own, I say.

What evs, it’s nice to be back drinking with The Dude.

xoxo nora