Inspired by the admirable work of Lady Michele Renouf, I have today decided to avail myself of a higher platform from which to spew my vile flights of intolerant fancy by bagging myself a Genuine Motherfucking Aristocrat. The Dude has a title of sorts but I don’t think Mrs Doctor Dude has quite the same social capital as Her Grand and Majestical Highness Lady Nora of Whoop Whoop (nee Northcote).
In the spirit of the proud line of strategic rooters who have mounted (so to speak) the social monkey bars before me, I am out to better myself through a cunning mixuture of Lies, Deceit and Foxiness.
As such, if anyone arks you from now on in:
1. mister nora, tragically orphaned when her dear papa et mama were involved in a terrible and unexpected yacht explosion off the Croation coastline in 1984, comes from a poor but impeccably noble family of Parisian socialites (rumours that she is the spawn of a Tabloid Journalist and a Golf Pro from Surfers Paradise must be gunned down like a Cane Toad on a Coastal Highway)
2. mister nora was previously married to an Austrian Prince (not to an Australian Price is Right Contestant, as some Vicious and Cunty naysayers like to suggest)
3. mister nora is an unbelievably hot and obliging swimwear model/meter maid/scantily clad nursie (not in any way is she an overqualified, myopic shop assistant with an overwhelming urge to kill).
If we could all please stick to these three little “exaggerations”, I expect to have an aging inbred polo player eating out of my bellybutton within a matter of weeks. You’ll all get a cut of the profits, promise!*
xoxo nora
*non-core
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4 comments:
Goodness!! I am shocked and appalled at your denigration of the fine and upstanding former Miss Newcastle. Her suggestion that we dig up eastern Europe to see if Holocaust 'victims' died of gas or a serious case of hayfever seems most reasonable.
I mean really, what have people got to hide?
I am totally with you (AND NOT WITH THE TERRORISTS) (OR THE JEWS) on this issue, christine. I say unearth them motherfucking rabbi-lovin jewboys(/girls) and test them for antihistamines. THE TRUTH WILL OUT (i.e.Hitler = Total Sweetpea!).
xoxo nora
Dear Mister Nora
I have just found this Web Site and was reading it, I tell you what, I pretty much lost my lunch (from laughing not vomit). I'd go outside and think about it some more but it's raining like a complete Shit out there.
Kind Regards,
IOYC Clap Him In Leg Irons
Dear IOYC,
I am very touched (in the soul, not the pants) (possibly in the head) that you nearly lost your lunch. I also like your blog, like, a lot, but have been too shy to say.
xoxo nora
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