Woah so working life is apparently taking up heaps of my time what with all the "Memo: Re: How Big is My Desire of Weekend? VERY." and "Wistfully Recalling My Lost Youth While Learning All About Spinal Injury" type shit that goes down.
I have been keeping pretty busy of an evening too, doing things like going to see Various Bands, eyeing off their leather pants and thinking "Hey, why don't I quit The Man and become a Rock God so I can lay around snorting coke and getting tattoos all day long, how hard can that be, fuck I am born to do that job, where do I sign up, what is the annual leave entitlement in that shit, is international fame is going to be tough, when will I get to bang Kate Moss, questions questions, I better update my CV" etc & so on.).
I also saw Barry Humphries last week who was a totally Nasty Piece of Work, also funnier than a motherfucked motherfucker. Somewhat disturbingly there is an installation at the Arts Centre of Edna Everage's house which looks pretty much IDENTICAL to the Slovenly Pit of Mutual Filth that The Dude & I live in. WHY AM I NOT A 1950s HOUSEWIFE WITH TEN KIDS, A KNACK FOR BAKING AND A RELIABLE SUPPLY OF HORSE TRANQUILLIZERS. I was totally born too late.
Also in the last week I have caught up with a number Old Friends. My average conversation starter is "DO I APPEAR DIFFERENT TO YOU NOW I AM A SOULESS DRONE OF REGULATIONS?" and they have generally been unconvincingly reassuring, especially since I have also had several Random Encounters with people who I went to high school with who say shit such as "mister nora! What are you up to these days - you look like a lawyer!!" which generally leads to me Punching Them in the Face
Oh and finally in this AWESOMELY EXCITING update of the goings on in my life, I went to a Wedding yesterday.
Dear Cunts: FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCK WOULD YOU PLEASE FUCKING STOP HAVING THESE FUCKING WEDDINGS.
Also, if you ARE going to have a fucking wedding could you please not fucking sit me at a table with a bunch of girls whose personalities can only be described as "Bubbly" and whose boyfriends all look like Amateur Rapists. I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO PEOPLE WHO ARE MAD ABOUT SPORTS.
Also, Dear Bubbly Fuckwits At Weddings: please do not ambush Black Hearted Misanthropes by coming at them with a motherfucking Video Camera, shining a fucking Nuclear Powered Spotlight in their eyes and demanding that they come up with some kind of On the Spot Message of Goodwill for the Happy Couple on their Special Day.
Next time this happens, I will scratch your motherfucking eyes out and/or steal your hollywood tape fo' realz, bitchez. FO' REALZ.
xoxo nora
Sunday, February 11, 2007
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6 comments:
Bubbly is only good in bottles (of beer or champagne or suchlike). It is DEATH in humans.
Should we have a national fuckedy fuck fuck fuck day? I'd celebrate that!
Mister Nora, I laughed alot.
fuck it. IT NEVER LETS ME LINK.
www.practically-perfect.net
So you don't think you have a pyshco stalker named Rosanna.
Damn it. Who am I kidding.
Dude, what can you bring to our rockband? Do you have even just 1% of mad tuba skillz or a Post Grad Degree in E'tric Synth Digeridoos?
International fame doesn't just come to any ol' world-wide rock legends...
maybe instead have you thouht of a career as a Realtor Receptionist?
You don't need to HAVE a band, Mister Nora. You just need to have the IDEA of having a band.
If your ambitions extend not further than increased sex, free beer and kudos in the wilds of Northcote, the IDEA of a band is certainly enough. And no need to develop any kind of mad skillz in that regard either.
I've heard actually playing an instrument can be useful if you want any kind of prolonged success, but then given Pete Doherty's record (figurative and literal) perhaps I'm wrong there too.
Meva: I suspect we may already have a national Fuckedy Fuck Fuck Fuck Day (possibly more widely known as "Monday"). What we could do with more of is "National Slaughter a Bubbly Fuckwit Day!!" I would happily contribute tax dollars to that project.
Rosanna: I FUCKING LOVE TO BE STALKED!! If you could hang outside my house late at night and sing love songs to my cats that would be awesome. I will return the favour by avidly reading your blog and occasionally calling the police over to enforce the intervention order.
Adam: I'm not sure...is Mad Tuba just like blowjobs but louder? I can play Chopin etudes on the Piano when I am hammered but I am not sure this is totally in the spirit of ROCK.
Also, does "Realtor Receptionist" come with free Boss Realtor with Gingivitis Issues and Erectile Dysfunction?? That might be just the ticket!
Gigglewick: Your plan sounds pretty much 100% suitable. Me and The Dude already spend approximately all our time coming up with IDEAS of bands! AND we spend a lot of time in Northcote, imagining we are Pete Doherty. SO WHERE IS MY FUCKING FREE BEER/INCREASED SEX/KUDOS. Next time I stop by the Northcote Social Club I am totally going to demand some answers.
xoxo nora
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