International playboys/girls ahoy!

Something I've been pretty excited about lately is FINDING LOVE via the International Herald Tribune classifieds section. This is not so much for me, as I have already found love with a good looking social phobic with a liking for swearing, neon signage and women who drive utes, which is pretty much the entire list of what I would put in as essential life-partner requirements in a personals ad, except the bit about the utes, as I don't own a ute and can only drive in the 'legal' sense [ie. not in the 'possession of driving skills e.g. knowledge of which pedal is for stop and which pedal is for go' sense....was a high point in my life when I found out that those crazy cats at VicRoads will give out driving licences to fucken just about anyone so long as you give 'em their 130 bucks and a blow job.]

However, I feel that others, with lonelier hearts than mine, should really be made aware of the vast pool of quality humping candidates which can be found in the IHT classifieds. To be more specific, I am referring of course to the many international millionaires and leggy financial executives who have hired the mysterious Gabriele Thiers-Bense to hawk their lovin' wares in this high quality paper.
























"Hi! I'm Gabriele! Give me your credit card details and I will give you eternal lasting love with someone of good aristocratic family and a passion for polo!"


Gabriele runs a website which has some truly powerful background music............................ and also a fine list of Wealthy Peoples who may like to marry you some day if you have appropriate DNA/horse skills.

Here is a sample of some of the fine beasts of manhood she has on sale at the moment:

Pretty explosive – that VICTORY SMILE – which you will not want to resist…ONE out of a 1000 – PROMINENT FINANCIER, Ph.D.

Young and vigorous 50, 190 tall, of splendid appearance-!!!With passion for aesthetics in all respects, sponsor for the classic arts and according
events.

A racy and cultured young future wife, of excellent descent and professional international presence is a must - just as her positive, well balanced structure, which he will support and complement with genuine participation and enthusiasm-!! World Citizen of this category are treasures and your future happiness.

OMG I can't tell you how long I searched for a Pretty Explosive man of Splendid Appearance before I found The Dude. Ladies, THIS COULD BE YOUR LAST CHANCE! Unless of course you go with this fellow:

THE HEIR TO A EUROPEAN INDUSTRY – Ph.D.Early 50, 188 cm tall, a World Ciizen of supreme quality-!

Everything he does is extraordinary –he is a passionate art sponsor, Interested in sculpturing World economy & politics, He is a flight pilot Sailor, Golfer, Deep sea diver, Mountain climber – And comprehensively a darling man-!!!

And he resides mainly in a magnificent castle and maintains various Western European residences. He will marry an intelligent and beautiful lady of 30 up to his own age –A woman with civil courage, an expressed sense for adventure and, of course, of adequate family descent.World Citizen of this
category are treasures and your future happiness!

Man if only I had civil courage/adequate family descent I would pretty much be that dude's perfect match. WHY CAN'T I HAVE A COMPREHENSIVELY DARLING MAN who is also a WORLD CIIZEN. I guess there's always this guy:

A HIGH CARAT YOUNG ELITE PERSON WITH A WORLD CLASS PERFORMANCE

He is in his thirties, values foremost reliability, inspiring
spirituality,the maintenance of traditions and expansion of wealth.

It amuses him, that he is considered as a conservative individualist, Because… - he is likely to unhinge the world with his dynamic drive and power…!

He seeks to marry a courageous woman with a speedy intellect, multilingual, with equal passion and ambition –of course of excellent family descentand endless curiosity for whatever is going on out there on this planet…!

Man, I want to unhinge the world with a dude like that! He obviously has an awesome sense of humour. Fucken fucks, but that whole 'family descent' shit just keeps getting in the way. WHY MUST I BE DAUGHTER OF LOW CLASS NOBODIES W/O CASTLES, DYNAMIC DRIVE, ETC. DEAR PARENTS, PLS TELL ME I AM ABORTED ADOPTED.

Fellas, you may have better luck than I. How would you like a go at this lovely lady:

SHE COULD BE YOUR FUTURE WIFE & BEST CHOICE…! SUPERB BRITISH DREAM WOMAN – MEDIA EXPERT Graduated at British Elite University

Vivacious and seductive 32 years young, 176 tall, slim with a strikingly beautiful face and excellent figure…Of first class descent, professional in 4 languages,she passionately loves horses and horse riding, she is a fascinating conversationalist and comprehensively a delight to be with!

She very much values the traditional social life with all of its luxury merits and seeks a family together with an internationally present Gentleman who is aware of and adores the attributions of a playfully successful young world lady. Female professionals of this category convince my most demanding clients.

The only question that remains is really whether you are an International Present Gentlement who is aware of and adores the attributions of a playfully successful young world lady. If so, go for it, lads. If not, try this one:

BE BEWITCHED BY AN ABSOLUTELY FASCINATING BLOND BEAUTY…Tres chic, disposing of a self made fortune, Millionaires, Global Finance Expert

Late 30, 174 tall, slim with an immaculate figure and marvellous legs…of excellent family descent, fluent in 4 languages, passionately addicted to horse sport, horse races and the breeding of fine horses!

She also loves sailing, alpine skiing, has travelled the World due to her business, she belongs to the First International Society and is accustomed to the finest lifestyles –Childless, she now seeks her own family life with an according husband/-world Citizen and should he have children, she will be delighted to inherit them.Young female professionals of this category
convince my most critical clients.

On second thoughts, maybe stay away from that one. It's true that with your help, and perhaps some assistance from Betty Ford, she may be able to beat her addiction to horse sport...but seroiusly, are you prepared to let her inherit your children? IS HER SELF MADE FORTUNE NOT ENOUGH FOR HER? I'll be she's a fucking feminist too. SHE PROBABLY WEARS FLAT SHOES. Fuck that, bros.

Luckily there are heaps more ladies and gents on the site for you to choose from. Go on, my single friends of adequate descent, take a chance on Gabriele.


xoxo nora