Travels with My Cunt

Sooooooooooo bros news from The Continent is that I am currently thinking of fashioning some kind of large firearms, possibly out of du mineral water, a frenchman and maybe a porcelaine figurine resembling a milkmaid avec un garcon seeing as that's the kind of material I have on hand right now. Sometimes I am truly thankful to Our Saviour that I am so fucking resourceful in an engineering/EXTREME VIOLENCE sense.

You see, facts are that while on holiday I have been PROVOKED by a KRAUT! Basically, it would take a long time (YEARS OF YOUR LIFE) to explain fully but the outline of the situation is that a VGermin has sent me an email suggesting that I am some kind of INTERNATIONAL CRIMINAL/SLOB/CONWOMAN/CARMEN SANDIEGO.

"OMG, THE NERVE! LIKE, WHO WON THE ASHESWAR[Z], FUCKFACE!"

Exactly, dudes, like, FOR REALS. I almost wrote back suggesting that Mr Germanski "CLIMB UP AN ARSEHOLE FULL OF POOS" or something similarly poetic/concise, but after some consideration I decided that such words might be Hasty; this situation instead calls for quiet reflection, prayer and a polite response that will ensure that I will keep a firm handle on the Moral, Spiritual and also Legal Higher Ground,

AND ALSO THAT THE KRAUT HAS HIS FACE/TESTICLES BLOWN AWAY AND HIS CHILDREN SKEWERED FRIED AND EATEN BY SOME SWISS DUDES AS AN ACCOMPANIMENT TO RICE CRISPIES, SEVERAL LAGERS + MAYBE A POT OF FONDUE.


I have been in touch with the Australian Embassy indicating that I would appreciate their help in arranging the above, in basically the same words only WITH MORE CAPITALS, but all they could say was "WE SUGGEST YOU CONTACT RUSSIANS, PS CRIKEY WE LOVE VEGEMITE". Honestly WTF are embassies for if not to provide assistance in SKEWERING GERMAN CHILDREN.

I was briefly worried that this whole incident is turning me a little bit Racist, but thing is I am full of Hatred for Dudes and Laydeez of All Kinds, my misanthrophy does not discriminate on the basis of national boundaries, fingernail length, penchant for lederhosen etc, so according to my research I am pretty fucking confident that once this milkmaid gets put to work launching grenades/nuclear devices at the Germ, my actions will safely fall within the Geneva Convention/Declaration of Human Rights/International Laws of the Sea.

Also, like Jesus says, "IF NOT NOW, WHEN?"

"Is it next year/some time next week?"

I don't know bros, ask the fucking Germans.

xoxo nora