... you have 3 weeks alone in the house. except for the cats, who will eat you if you die.
what to do?
a) LESBIAN HOUSE PARTY!!!!
if only they weren't all so uggers (dude relaxxx, like i say that in a fully ironic politically erect kind of way, totally. and you know i'm right. chill.)
b) EAT SELF TO DEATH!!!!
think how those pussies are going to enjoy feasting on your bloated blue cheese filled corpsicule. do it for the kiddies.
c) MASTURBATE!!!!!
hairy palms, blindness. whatev's, bro. if its good enough for chrissy amphlett, it's good enough for me.
d) SHIT IN THE SALAD BOWL!!!
AHAHAHAA! He'll never know!!!
e) TURN YOUR SHARED PIECE OF THE AUSTRALIAN DREAM INTO A CRACK DEN FULL OF CHILD WHORES AND LAP DANCING MONKEYS!!!
if you can't source a reliable band of lap dancing monkeys, the elaphantine cockroach that crawled across the bath while you were shaving your legs this morning sure had a saucy swing to her step.
f) INVITE OVER THE TEAM FROM BACKYARD BLITZ!!!!!
you know he's always secretly wanted a patio.* you know you've always secretly wanted jamie drurie.**
g) DRINK!!!!! DRINK LIKE YOU....always do.
good choice, pumpkin.
xooxox nora
* like a dart through the testicle
** like a throatful of tony abbott
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2 comments:
I wanted to comment on the short stack pancakes but there are NO COMMENTS ALLOWED.
That said, a good clean shit in the salad bowl can always be recommended to pass the time.
I plan on geting through all variety of kitchen containers by the time he gets back. Your teacups are not safe with me.
Not sure why pancakes were censored. I blame the Man. Now fixed up.
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