CAUTION : NEVER RETURN DRY, HARD SPECIMENS TO TETRACHLORIDE OR BENZINE YOU MUST RELAX THEM FIRST !

So in case you were wondering, I have spent the last couple of months in a pretty dark place. It was pretty much identical to that squelchy passage that Indiana Jones walks through in some fucking movie or other, except that instead of exploding with snakes or whatever it was fucking teeming with rats, earwigs, lawyers, and generally just heaps of germs.

“LIKE, EW!”

Tell me about it. If you are squeamish/below the age of consent and want a more ‘Wordsworth-of-the-Antipodes’ type explanation, basically I haven’t been blogging because I’ve been trapped at the heart of a balloon full of poo, where pretty much all I can see or think of is poo. There were occasional sweet evenings where I got to wave out the Poo Balloon window at The Dude & the Pussycats as they slopped around town mopping up blood, ‘busting moves’ etc & so on, but mostly it’s been All About Eve Poo. Let’s just say that after all the good times of my trips abroad, I have been wearing The Dude’s ‘I hate my life’ shirt around with a renewed sense of authenticity.

“IT’S GOOD TO BE HEARTFELT WITH UR TSHIRTS, BROTHERS & SISTER[N]S OF THE LORD.”

Totally. But anyway, point is that since my head fucking exploded last weekend, things have been looking up, and I am now ready to ONCE AGAIN enjoy all the WONDROUS FRUITS that the world has to offer me. So far I am focussing on pecans. Is this fruits?

Also, I am thinking of taking up a hobby so that I can acquire the ‘totally achievable work/life balance’ that is surely the POISONED CHALICE HOLY GRAILS of the Modern Young Professional. After some extensive research I have decided that my new hobby will be…




"OMG is this like Dancing with the Stars or what."


That's right bros, I will totally be COLLECTING BEETLES.

This is also known as ‘coleoptera’ and so I am pretty much counting on it involving pantswork with Mark Antony* OR dying of cholera. Obvs I will have to do more research but basically I am just deeply attracted the list of necessary equipments:

- killing jar

- killing agent

- sweep or/and aerial net

- aspirator

- knife (poss. a steel throwing knife called "silver arrow")

- Portable light

- pitfall trap

- berlese funnel

- sifter

- chopin and prying tools

- malaise trap


DOES THIS SHIT CRY OUT NON STOP GOOD TIMES OR WHAT.


How awesome would prying tools and a malaise trap be?! E.g. ‘Suck shit malaise, try keeping me down with your fucking neuroses/savage ennui/pestilence of the heavens etc from the jaws of my awesome trap! NOW I WILL USE MY TOOLS TO PRY U. AHAHAHA, etc.’ This could poss be the key to Eternal Bliss!


“THAT’S AWESOME MISTER NORA. I’D LOVE TO STAY AND CHAT BUT I HAVE TO GO PURCHASE A KILLING AGENT”


Guess I’ll see you later then.


xoxo nora
* Hot Roman, i.e. not J-Lo’s corpse bride.


P.S.
"Where you look and collect beetles:
a. under the bark of trees
b. under logs and stones
c. on the flowers and leaves.
d. on and in the soil under carcasses
e. in animals excrements, especially cows"