Sometimes second best is all you're gonna get.

So homies in case you're wondering what's beening going down in da hood lately, basically round these parts its all "HEY JUDE, DON'T MAKE IT BAD", "YOU'RE MY CHERRY PIE, TASTE SO GOOD MAKE A GROWN MAN CRY", "SOME SAY LOVE IS LIKE A RIVER" etc.

I have been as busy as.....someone with not a whole lot to do.

Still, I'm not totally wasting my time. I have totally decided to use this sabbatical to TRANSFORM MYSELF, DEVELOP MY INNER PEACE, WATCH APPALLING TELEVISION, and basically, to LEARN HOW TO BE A WINNER, NOT A WHINER!!!.

You see, bros, according to Gary Simpson:



Winners attract people to them like bees around honey. They have infectious personalities. They stand out in a crowd. They are people to be reckoned with. They are dreamers, planners and achievers. Winners have conquests in their minds. They talk about opportunities, projects and the future. Winners smile.

Whiners repel people like a bad smell in a confined space. They have poisonous personalities. They too stand out in a crowd but for opposite reasons. They find it difficult to hold conversations because people find them tiresome. Whiners have conflict in their minds. They criticize, deride and ridicule others. Their favorite topics include rumor and innuendo. Whiners scowl.



According to Gary's categories my currently diagnosis is TOTAL WHINER. Evidence of this includes:
1. My doctor tells me my personality is more akin to Marfan's Syndrome than to the Black Plague, I.E. MORE HEREDITARY THAN INFECTIOUS.
2. MY FAVOURITE TOPICS ARE RUMOR [sic] AND INNUENDO.
3. I am scared of bees, I DON'T EVEN CARE FOR HONEY.



Luckily Gary has a totally dynamic and psychologically tested method for changing my appalling whining ways:



wear a small elastic band around your wrist. Whenever you say or think something disingenuous, uncomplimentary, rude, abusive, negative or self deprecating, stretch the elastic band out and let it sting your skin. You will find that after a while you will begin to change your ways.

"THAT SOUNDS HARD, GARY. MY WRIST IS GETTING BLOODIED AND RAW."





Then why don't you also purchase my snippets of Zenspirational Wisdom!!!

"MY HAND JUST FELL OFF, NOW I AM LEFT WITH A BLOODY STUMP."



There's a simple solution to that, mister nora! Put a small elastic band around your elbow...."

"I BETTER WIN CASH PRIZES FOR THIS, GARY."



How about a miniature bust of my head?"



"AWESOME!!!!!"


xoxo nora