Fill your life with croutons!

So I finally managed to download my pictures from on to my Fucked up LapTop. That up there is the Berlin Wall.

NB Here is how Fucked Up my Lap Top is:

IS THAT POSTMODON OR WHATS.

[I'm not sure what went wrong with the computer. I took it to Queensland last year and I think a fucken varmint bled all over it or some shit. Those inky blots in the middle make me feel sort of old-skool and Anne of Green Gables and 'please sir may I have some more of those scrumptious smoked squid scones yr packin' and 'OMFG my nib is naff, WOT am I 2 DO' and 'What is the best place to get your Poodle Serviced' etcetcetc IF YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GETTING AT [NB I'm not sure I do] but they also make Processing my Words of Wisdomz and Peacez pretty difficult.]

Anyway. Whatevs. Point is that pictures from Berlin reminded me of Graffiti, and Graffiti, for reasons unknown to some dudes incl. Boy George and the Australian Federal Police, makes me think of George Carlin.

This is pretty fucking excellent because although George isn't like 500% Nutricious & Packed full of Nuts & Grains of Wisdom (NOT LIKE ME), the good news is that the Books you get in George Carlin's 'Join the Bookclub!' Comedy Track are pretty much the most awesome shit ever. Here is a Selection of Choice Cuts:

- How to Fillet a Panda

- 64 Good Reasons for Giving up Hope

- My Dog is a Real Fruit

- Reorganising Your Pockets!

- What to Wear on the Toilet

- Tremble Your Way to Fitness

- Eat, Run, Stay Fit, and Die Anyway!

- A Complete List of Things that are Still Pending

- The Meaning of Corn

- Cooking With Heat!

- Marriage for One!

- Let's Change the Alphabet!

- Sport Fishing with Power Saws

- Don't Throw Away Your Old Skin

- How to Give People Your Best Regards

- How to Kill a Rat with an Oboe!

- How to Turn Unbearable Pain into Extra Income!

Ahh, things that are amusing even when I am not plastered off my frankly lobotomised brain on SIMPLE LOVE OF THE LIFES/PLEASURE OF FLOWERS/SUNNY DAYS/FEVEROUS KILLINGS. These are the things that make it all worthwhile.

xoxo nora

PS 'I Gave Up Hope and Died and It Worked!'

If the devil is six, then god is seven.

Fucken fucks, how time flies. There I was six weeks ago hanging around the hovel and making hilarious jokes about sodomy with the pussycats and now WTF I am pretty much spending all my time staring at the chandelier* in My Office (FYI not a euphemism for 'the miscellaneous light fitting in My Vagina') thinking about awesome ways to kill myself The Laws and that.

You can relax though because although I am clearly now Adult in the manner of a 'MISTER NORA DOES DONKEYS' DVD, I'm not letting all this Maturity/Income go to my head. Basically I am just the same as I always was...only without all that bothersome Alcohol Addiction/Good Times/Will to Live shit that used to plague me in my Youth.

Am I awesomely interesting now I am Adult or what? I can't tell you how much The Dude looks forward to me coming home and telling him all about how I interpreted s.568 of the Crimes Act that afternoon.

And yet...

...I am sort of beginning to wonder how someone as committed to 'Anarchist Philosophies of Idle Boheme Etc' as I am has ended up where I have ended up.

Basically, life used to be a lot more like this:

'what r u lookin at, cunt.'

Now it's more like this:

'I type at 1238 wpm!'

There is nothing awesome about that.

Sorry, I know I rabbit on about this crap like a fox with a fucken rabbit up its date, or some shit. I promise I won't whinge anymore for like, at least another couple of hours.

xoxo nora

*there is a chandelier in my office, I am not joking bros. Does chandelier=HIGHEST DEGREE OF WORLDLY SUCCESS ATTAINABLE ON MORTAL PLANE? I think the answer to that question lies in the area of YOU FUCKEN BET IT DOES, hey. Let's retire.

she just laughed and said 'oh you're so funny'

I read this article yesterday morning and practically spat all over a memorandum.

There were two things about it that particularly touched my central nervous system:

1. After doing what black-armband historians will one day describe as ‘fuckawl’ for Mr Hicks for practically this entire millennium, John Howard is now taking credit for the fact that ‘the process has been accelerated’ due to his ‘personal appeals’ to Dick n George.


Dear John,

I refer to your claim that your cocksucking skills are highly influential with ‘Americans of Note’.

I now request that you supply further and better particulars as to:

1. why you neglected to make demands regarding expeditious charging of Mr Hicks during any of the previous ‘mutually satisfying oral love related encounters’ you have had with Mssrs Bush & Cheney over the previous five years; and

2. how much you charge for anal.


Kind Regards,

mister nora


2. “I've said very directly to both President Bush and to the vice-president that whatever may be the feelings about Mr Hicks' alleged behaviour, it was simply not acceptable that somebody be detained indefinitely without trial.”


Dear John,

I refer you to the 2003 case of Al-Kateb v Godwin. I must alert you to the alarming possibility that your Immigration Department is running ethically squalid Court cases behind your back. I suggest that this is the only explanation for the fact that Mr Ruddock et al successfully [which reminds me: Dear High Court, WTF?] argued that it was ‘fucking A-OK’ to keep asylum seekers in indefinite detention without trial and no foreseeable prospect of release - clearly a position which you personally abhor!

Or is it only A-OK if it is towel-head/politically expedient? Pls explain.


Kind Regards,

mister nora



NB resort to politikz commentary for blog fodder may or may not indicate that I am now Adult/Not Drunk.



OH WHEN YOU'RE NEAR ME, DARLING CAN'T YOU HEAR ME?


xoxo nora